Addendum October 2007

Here are some statements to ponder:

Our outer life is an extension of our inner life.  
To the degree I can not accept your hardness,
hurt, and anger,
I can’t accept mine.  

To the degree I can’t be with you in your fear, anger, hurt,
disappointment, loneliness, depression and helplessness,
I can’t be with my own fear, anger, hurt,
disappointment, loneliness, depression and helplessness.  

If I can’t be merciful to my pain,
I don’t have the mercy for your pain.  
To the degree I can soften to my pain,
to the same degree I will be able to soften to your pain.

If I make room in my heart for my pain,
I will have room in my heart for your pain.

In all praise there is some grief
and in all grief there is some praise.

People who can not grieve, cannot praise.  
Grief is not depression…it is an expression of our sorrow.  
Depression is a lack of grief.
Rage is a lack of grief.  
Violence is the absence of grief.  

If we don’t grieve, we don’t love the thing we lost.
When we are grieving the things we have, it is called praise.  
When we are praising the things we have lost,
it is called grief.

Any grief is a form of praise.  
Grieving brings us back to life.  
Grieving is a part of praising life.  

"Tears say, 'I admit the wound.'
When we face our wound,
tears come naturally.
When we face our wound,
we have come upon our sorrow.

Tears release us from having to
protect ourselves from the wound.
Tears move us forward.
Tears call us to new beginnings.
Tears correct what needs correcting.

When the tears are pure (true tears),
weeping keeps the predator away.
The power of evil is broken when tears are shed.
Tears help us to continue grieving.
Tears save us from collapsing."
                                              Clarissa Pinkola Estes

"There is sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness,
but of power.  
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.  
They are messengers of overwhelming grief…
and unspeakable love."   
                                          Washington Irving

"Only those who avoid love can avoid grief.  
The point is to learn from grief
and remain vulnerable to love."
                                       John Brantner

"If you suppress grief too much, it can well redouble."  

"The friend who can be silent with us
in a moment of despair or confusion,
who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement,
who can tolerate not knowing…
not healing…
not curing…
that is a friend who cares."  
                                        Henri Nouwen